Frequently Asked Questions about Divorce Mediation

What is divorce mediation?
IDivorce mediation is a process in which a couple works together with a professional mediator to resolve the issues in their divorce, without the need for adversarial legal proceedings.

What are the issues that need to be addressed in divorce mediation?
The principle issues are division of property (real estate, investment accounts, retirement benefits, household items, etc.), allocation of debts, parenting of minor children, child support and/or spousal support.

How does mediation differ from court-based divorce?
In mediation, divorcing couples decide what's best for them, rather than surrendering control attorneys and/or a judge. They reach agreement based on their particular relationship, values, needs and goals. This takes place in a confidential, collaborative environment and is significantly less stressful than the adversarial, win-lose procedures involved in court-based proceedings.

How does mediation benefit children?
Mediation helps couples create an amicable co-parenting relationship and focus on the best interests of their children. Mediation fosters healthy communication and reduced tension between parents. This results in less ongoing conflict and more cooperative parenting arrangements.

What does the mediator do?
The mediator helps couples understand the legal, financial, parenting and other issues involved in their situation and the options available to them, so that they can make fully informed decisions. She also helps couples communicate effectively, negotiate, explore alternative ways of resolving disagreements. Once a full agreement has been reached, the mediator drafts a comprehensive and legally binding marital settlement agreement.

What if there are difficult emotional issues?
Strong emotions are a normal part of divorce. The mediator can help parties deal with the anger, sadness and other emotions that frequently arise. If needed, the mediator may recommend that the parties seek counseling or other support. In some cases, it may be helpful for the parties to obtain such support prior to engaging in mediation.

What is the mediator's background?
Mediators have different backgrounds and experience. Eileen Barker is an attorney with extensive training and experience in conflict resolution and mediation. She has been mediating divorce and other cases for over 15 years, and has worked with hundreds of people who were separating and/or divorcing. She currently teaches mediation at Boalt Hall School of Law, UC Berkeley and UC Hastings College of Law. More information about Ms. Barker's backgroundand experience is available on the bio page of this website.

Am I required to have a lawyer? Can I have a lawyer if I choose to?
While parties are not required to consult an attorney, they are strongly encouraged to do so. Parties are advised to meet with an attorney if they have any questions about their legal rights or responsibilities, and to have the final agreement reviewed by an independent lawyer. Typically, attorneys consult with parties before or after mediation sessions, and they do not attend the mediation sessions.

How long does it take to obtain a final divorce? How do we start the Court process?
It takes a minimum of six months from the time that the initial papers are filed with the Court and served. At the first mediation session, we will discuss whether you are ready to file. If you are both in agreement, we can prepare and file the initial papers on your behalf.

How long does mediation take?
Each mediation session is usually scheduled for 2 hours. Mediation of a full divorce averages between 3 - 5 sessions. Some people take less time, and some take more, depending on the number and complexity of the issues and the level of conflict. The parties and mediator together decide when and how often they will meet. Sessions are generally schedules one or two weeks apart, but this can vary depending on the parties' needs. The entire process can be completed in weeks or months, depending on whether the parties wish to complete the process quickly, or need to take more time.

How much does mediation cost?
The cost will vary depending on the number of sessions required. However, in almost all cases, mediation is considerably less expensive than using two separate lawyers. Typically, divorce lawyers will require an initial retainer ranging from $2,500 to $7,500 and more, from each party. That means together you and your spouse will pay $5,000 to $15,000 or more, just to get started. With mediation, you pay as you go and can save thousands of dollars. A typical divorce mediation will cost approximately between $3,500 and $5,000, total.

Are there times when its not appropriate to mediate?
When one spouse is in physical danger, or feels intimidated by the other spouse, mediation would not be appropriate. Similarly, if one spouse is unwilling to participate in good faith, mediation would not be appropriate.

What if we already agree on lots of issues?
These agreements often serve as a foundation for resolution of other issues and overall agreement, expediting the mediation, further reducing the cost.

How do we begin?
When you are ready, we will schedule an initial appointment. Prior to the session, we will send you an intake form, a copy of the mediation agreement you will be asked to sign, and directions to our office. At the first session, we will review the agreement and any ground rules needed to make the process safe, fair and effective for everyone involved. The mediator and parties will develop an agenda of the issues that need to be discussed, and start gathering information and documents relating to those issues.

What do we need to do to prepare for the first session?
It is not necessary to do any preparation for the first session. However, to make the most of your time during your mediation sessions, it is helpful to come prepared with basic information regarding your assets, liabilities, income, expenses and goals.

How can I get other questions answered?
An initial telephone consultation is available, at no charge, by calling Barker Mediation at 415-925-0900.


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